The Day My Personal Trainer Caught Me Eating Cake

Years ago, I had a personal trainer named DeeDee Hillman. A key piece of the story is, DeeDee and I didn't just see one another in the gym - DeeDee and I actually worked in the same office together at Ohio University. So not only was she my trainer…she also had unexpected access to my daily decision-making.

Which, unfortunately for me, included cake.

One afternoon, our office was celebrating the monthly birthdays, and there I was happily enjoying my frosting covered piece of cake when DeeDee walked by and caught me mid-bite.

She stopped, walked into my office, sat down across from my desk, and very seriously said: The second I want the outcomes of your training more than you do is the second I don’t want to train you anymore.

Whoa, gut punch!! I remember just staring at her for a second thinking about how awful I felt letting her down - and letting myself down.

But honestly? Over the years, I’ve realized how much leadership wisdom was packed into that one sentence. Because the best coaches, trainers, mentors, and leaders don’t force growth onto people. They help people step into growth for themselves. That’s an important difference.

As leaders, many of us care deeply about our people. We want them to succeed. We want them to grow in confidence, reach their goals, improve their skills, and become the best version of themselves.

And that care matters.

But one of the most powerful leadership shifts is realizing that sustainable growth works best when ownership is shared. You can inspire someone. Encourage someone. Support someone. Challenge someone. Believe in someone. But eventually, the other person has to choose to engage in their own growth journey, too.

That’s not discouraging. It’s actually hopeful. 

Because it changes leadership from pressure into partnership.

It reminds us that leadership is not about dragging people uphill. It’s about walking beside them, creating belief, building trust, and helping people see what’s possible for themselves. And honestly, most of us have probably experienced both sides of this equation. We’ve had moments where we were fully ready to grow. And we’ve had moments where…well…we were just trying to enjoy cake at a birthday party.

Both are part of being human.

I think great leaders recognize that timing, readiness, motivation, and growth all ebb and flow. The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is continuing to create environments where people feel supported enough to keep moving forward. That’s what DeeDee gave me.

Not guilt. Not shame. Just a reminder that growth works best when both people are invested in the process.

Leadership challenge: This week, look for one opportunity to replace pressure with partnership. Instead of solving the issue for someone, invite them into the process.

#leadership #professionaldevelopment #letthemeatcake #growth #BetterEveryday