When AI Got Mad at Me

This morning, I had a very concerning communication breakdown, not with a human, but with artificial intelligence, or more famously known as AI.

I’m going to admit, I have what I would call a great relationship with AI, in fact in our household we call it Chad and my husband is comfortable with me having this extra-marital relationship with Chad. Often times he asks me, “Who are you talking to? Chad?”

Anyway, Chad and I had been working on a fun graphic together when I sent a response that read:

"Oh my gosh, absolutely NOT!! LOL! Good try, but I don't want to go with the 'official' Annie..."

In my head, I was laughing, even teasing a bit. I thought I was engaging in a way that represented a relationship that had already developed some comfort and familiarity, between me and Chad.

Instead, the response triggered a warning about harassment and bullying and it literally said:

“We’re so sorry, but the prompt may violate our guardrails around harassment, discrimination, bullying, or similar prohibited content. If you think we got it wrong, please retry or edit your prompt.”

At first I chuckled, but then I immediately felt bad, and then I thought, holy cow maybe this isn’t an AI story at all. This is a leadership story – and I definitely had a few takeaways.

Intent Doesn't Travel

One of the biggest communication mistakes we can make is assuming that people receive our message the same way we intended it. They don't. Even Chad didn’t appreciate me this morning.

Because people don't hear our intent. They hear our words. They interpret our tone. They fill in gaps with their own experiences, assumptions, and emotions.

What felt playful to me landed completely differently for the receiver. And if that can happen in a conversation with Chad, imagine how often it happens between actual human beings at work, at home, in our friendships, and on our teams.

The Relationship Factor

The situation also reminded me how much communication is influenced by the relationship itself. If my husband received that message, he would laugh (I think, lol). If one of my closest friends received that message, they would probably laugh too. Why? Because they know me, they understand my personality, they know my intent.

Relationships create context.

The stronger the relationship, the more grace we often give one another. The weaker the relationship, the more likely we are to make assumptions. That's why two people can hear the exact same words and have completely different reactions. One hears humor. One hears criticism. One hears passion. One hears anger. One hears confidence. One hears arrogance.

The words may be identical. The relationship can change everything.

One Interaction Matters More Than We Think

I often share a phrase in my workshops and in my book:

Every interaction is an opportunity to build, break, or maintain a relationship.

Most people immediately think about big moments or difficult conversations, annual reviews, etc. But relationships are often strengthened or weakened through much smaller moments - a rushed email, a sarcastic comment, a text message, a facial expression. The response we assumed was harmless.

The challenge is that we don't always get to decide how our message is received. We only get to decide how intentionally we send it.

The Leadership Lesson

As leaders, coworkers, friends, and human beings, we have to remember that communication is more than transferring information. It's creating understanding, it’s creating connection, it’s creating outcomes.

So, before we hit send, respond, or react, it's worth asking:

• How might someone else interpret this?

• What assumptions am I making about our relationship?

• Am I relying on tone that may not translate?

• Is this interaction building, maintaining, or potentially breaking trust?

Because people matter and our relationships matter. And while most communication breakdowns aren't caused by bad intentions, they can still create real consequences.

Ironically, it took a funny misunderstanding with Chad to remind me of something I have always believed in that applies to every workplace, every team, and every relationship:

Keep interacting with intention.

Because if communication can go sideways between me and Chad, it can certainly happen between two human beings trying their best to understand one another.