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  • Writer's pictureAnnie Frisoli

Influencing Others By Influencing Yourself

It’s easy to forget that in addition to leading our teams, we have to lead ourselves. As leaders, the way we speak to and direct ourselves through situations at work and throughout our daily lives can heavily impact our success as a people manager and positive influence on our teams.


I like to refer to our own inner guidance as the “messaging” that we’re giving ourselves. This messaging is important, because it shapes our belief systems and has the potential to boost (or tear down) our confidence, drive us towards our goals, and develop a better understanding of how we fit into the world.


For many people, they might assume that we don’t have very much control over this messaging - we’re at the mercy of our negative thoughts, criticisms, and unable to shift the way our thoughts come to us naturally. But thankfully, this couldn’t be more wrong. In fact, by shifting the way we approach messaging, we can shift the way we influence ourselves, making a big impact on our quality of life, effectiveness as a leader, and overall satisfaction of self.

How we speak to ourselves has a big impact on how we’re able to influence others, so it’s important that our own messaging includes:

  • Positive self talk; learn to build yourself up so you can confidently build up others, too

  • Constructive consideration of mistakes; we’re not perfect, but staying mad at ourselves for messing up isn’t a productive way to grow or help others grow

  • Acknowledgement of opportunities; while we don’t have to say yes to everything that comes our way, it’s important to acknowledge the opportunities ahead of us and consider them carefully

  • Patience for a fluid best-self; your best is fluid, meaning that some days you’ll do “more” than other days, having patience for these fluctuations is key to self respect and positive self talk

By adjusting the messaging we tell ourselves, we can incorporate these same practices into our leadership styles. When we’re able to demonstrate control over our own approach to self improvement, it helps us sharpen the skills we need to properly lead others while considering their own self messaging journey.


Incorporating “messaging” talks into your leadership style can help you tap into your team’s inner critic, guide them to a more healthy, helpful self-messaging style, and connect on a deeper level about the importance of high quality messaging at work and at home.


In closing, my messaging to you is: Keep influencing yourself in a positive way, as you matter and the work you do matters.


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